Last Monday I showed photos from the Deep South and talked about African-American women writers in my afternoonlecture for pensioners. It struck me that at one point I knew quite a lot about English-language literature, and in particular, about black American women writers (my thesis was about that, in particular Gloria Naylor, an author). It's quite sad to notice your knowledge slipping away, since I haven't used that knowledge for a long time. It's the same with languages, if you don't use them, you start to forget. I also used to know some countries very well, at least the facts about those countries I worked in as a guide a bit longer. Now what is left are just glimpses of impressions; memories of smells, moods, places - things that don't necessarily interest anyone else. Looking through my slides and photos also made me wonder what has happened to all the people I have encountered briefly during the years, people I have worked or studied with, met during travels. Some I have stayed in touch with, but so many have disappeared into the land of memories. Makes me feel a bit old!
I guess it's gratifying to stay in the same field of study or work all your life - you become an expert in that field. I have tried my hand at this and that, but what now stays with me isn't that much - even teaching starts to feel alien, at least when it comes to a specific subject. I'll never become the expert at anything :(
At times I get a bit worried - what will become of me, how shall I find the means to support my family when D is three years old and I don't get a subsidiary from the state any longer. But then I let go of the worry and think back - I've been in this situation lots of times during my life already (what to do with my life), and everytime something has turned up. That is the good thing about experience, I know - since it has worked out before, it'll probably do it again!
I saw Doris Lessing at a literature festival in Hay-on-Wye in Wales in 1992. I had read some of her novels and was very interested in hearing her speak. I was disappointed, she seemed very snobbish about the questions the audience asked - if there weren't intelligent enough for her, she basically told the person off. Margaret Atwood was there as well, and she was completely different. I was put off by Lessing's behavior and stopped reading her books.... the things she now said about the Nobel prize seem to support my view of her being rather straight forward and a no-nonsense kind of woman, who doesn't think "friendly" is important. And now I can understand that is ok as well...so I guess when there will be time for books again, I'll pick up one of hers.
Back to the beginning - when I prepared for the lecture about African-American women writers, I looked up some facts on the internet and came across quotes by Zora Neale Hurston. She wrote at the beginning of the 20th century, most famous for her novel "Their Eyes were watching God" (1937). I thought I'd share a few of these quotes with you:
- Happiness is nothing but everyday living seen through a veil
- Sometimes I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It's beyond me.
- Mama exhorted her children at every opportunity to "jump at de sun". We might not land on the sun, but at least we would get off the ground.
- Life is the flower for which love is the honey.
- Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place
- There are years that ask questions and years that answer.
- When one is too old for love, one finds great comfort in good dinners (is that why I'm gaining weight now? - not Z N H quote, but my own addition :)
2 kommentarer:
Hey! One is never too old for love! :)
As for your comment on never being an expert at anything. I think you do underestimate yourself. You are an excellent writer and photographer. Your worldly travels has expanded your horizons and richer in knowledge than most of us. Besides, one doesn't need to be an expert at anything to be happy or successful in life.
I once used to watch the Canadian series "Road to Avonlea" when I was unemployed and a stay home Dad. There was a quote made at the end of one of these that I just had to write down as it was very powerful and meaningful for me as I am not an educated person and sort of felt the same way. It had to do with someone not having a legacy. I can't remember if it was Aunt Hetty that was worried or if she was the one that made the quote. Anyway, this is how it went:
"Measure your life not by what you do, but how you feel!"
As you mentioned by your own accounts of the past that when you think the worst something helpful always comes along at the right time. You WILL manage :)
Thanks for your comment, Matt. I just became a bit nostalgic about "paths not chosen" - things I could have gone deeper into but didn't. It's just a shame that you can't keep what you've once learned...maybe says something about where the stress should be in studies for the small kids as well - no point in cramming their small brains with facts, that will disappear anyway, methods of learning, looking for facts and skills are much more important!
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