Exhausted

I guess with things finally coming to an end; the renovation (plumber was here Fri-Sat), the contract (but the relationship still bad - I have had no word since my own message) - my body feels it can finally say something as well. And it says: I'm in pain, I need more energy, better food, more sleep, preferably some treatment - massage, pampering. In other words, I have been feeling exhausted. There isn't so much left to do in the bathroom - D actually had his bath there on Saturday night, but there is so little time to do it. D has more or less refused to spend time with grandma, only mummy is good enough, and she shouldn't be doing anything else but focus on him! Like yesterday - I had just started to put silicone around the cupboard etc when grandma comes to say D is awake and crying. Silicone is something that needs to be evened out straight away, but I had no choice but to leave it. I had also hoped to be able to do a lot when he sleeps in the afternoon, but I was stupid enough to take him outside, since it wasn't too cold, the sun was shining, and I also wanted a bit of fresh air. Unfortunately I didn't realize he was too tired - he fell asleep in the sledge (pulka) - had to try to put him in the pram and hope for the best. But it's just impossible, he won't sleep on his own outside - he slept for a bit more than quarter of an hour, I barely had time for a shower (in the new bathroom - but had to be careful about the silicones...) when he already woke up. It wasn't until a few hours of several attempts that he decided to sleep for half an hour more.

I was so tired yesterday and desperate for not being able to do anything, while at the same time so tired I just wanted to sleep. I had hoped to finally have a Sunday for rest, but since most of Saturday was spent running around in shops finding things for the bathroom, there was no time for cleaning or working on the two new rooms, and since everything everywhere is a mess, that makes me feel even more stress......

I happened to see part of a program on tv about dieting. An Englishlady was the dietcoach and checked out the tongue of the obese couple. I decided to have a look at my tongue - and wasn't at all happy about what I saw: cracks, covered in white stuff, with small red "pimples" - disgusting!! It spoke loud and clear that I'm not in good shape.

I guess it's partly because last week was bad, D had some restless nights, but so did I. I seem to wake up now many times without D making any noise, I think it is stressrelated. But D also wakes up several nights - I think it is mainly his stomach, which is causing problems. Last week he had a check-up, and had actually lost 100 grams, which is not good. He is now 75,5 cms, 8,7 kilos. I think I should've made "heavier" food for him, now I've probably started to do that a bit too abruptly for his stomach.


D is up on his knees and hands now, thank God (haven't been able to catch it on camera yet :) . I've been worried that he'll never learn to get up, all of his "mates" are already crawling around, also those younger than him. I guess this new phase in his developement makes him restless. If only the house had been ready so I could've spent my energies on him now. I want to thoroghly clean everything, get rid of the renovation dust and at the same time make the rooms "babysecure". I read somewhere that you should crawl throught your apartment to find out where the dangers lie - I might do that!


This has been such a whining post, but it can't be helped, I'm tired, tired, tired, close to tears now and then. Still, D is also my joy and strength, when I focus on him. I felt so proud last night when one of the godmothers, who had popped in, was about to leave and D actually wawed bye-bye. So far it has only been grandma who gets a "royal wave" in the night when we go upstairs to bed. He has also started to say "mummummum" - and is quite generous with his wet kisses when he is in the mood. I have to focus on theses things, have patience with a the half-finished things and think about how wonderful it's going to be when everything is in order (then it'll "only" be a matter of keeping it that way :) .