Changes

 I'm sorry for not having written, it's been a crazy month, with lots of things happening. At the back of it all has been my mother's deteriorating health. After she stayed home for four nights we both decided that she had to go back to the ward. I was getting too tired and I had to start doing other things than tend to her all the time. She was also feeling insecure with just one person helping her get up. Since then she has been back at the ward.

Last week I tried bringing her home for the day - she came with an "invalid taxi", she could be rolled in and out of the car the wheelchair. A few hours went well, we had relatives visiting and she really enjoyed reminiscing about relatives and old times, but when she became tired and wanted to sleep, she couldn't. At the ward she has extra oxygen most of the time and she started feeling she didn't get enough air. She was really tired when the taxi finally came to bring her back. The day after they called from the ward and said she could get a "portable" oxygenbox with her the next time, but when I went to see her yesterday she was really in bad shape. Tired and having constantly problems with her stomach. She really wishes herself to be able to die, she is frustrated and in pain most of the time.

Visiting her at the ward - our American relative A was visiting us at the time (sitting in grandm's wheelchair)