New Year dance!

Hey friends, I just made a total elf of myself. Check me out by clicking the link below.

http://www.elfyourself.com/?userid=21d984c004955d7ed6b2482G06123100

New Year's Eve

I read today in the paper about a group of friends who with their families always celebrate important days together, birthdays, New Year's Eve etc. I envy that! To have traditions like that with a close set of friends. The end of the year has always been a bit "traumatic" for me, I guess partly because I've never been included in the "let's visit each other as couples"-scene, since I haven't been in relationships in December (or had boyfriend/husband in the same country at that time...). Often I've felt that the last day of the year should be a bit different, since it after all is my birthday, so even if Christmas has always been a quiet thing with my parents/my mother in the past years, I've tried to leave the country for the end of the year, partly to avoid the angst of trying to find a way to have fun, partly to experience something special on that day. This year I don't care about the fuss, I'll be happy to go to bed at 10 o´clock with little D, there'll be other years when I can celebrate again. Turning 43 tomorrow is not a particularly exciting number either, just need to get used to being another number for the next year to come.

Happy New Year to all of you, I hope you have a funfilled Eve tomorrow!

American visit

Most of you are aware of the budding partnership between my homevillage and Halfway in Oregon. Today I was visited by the main contactperson in Halfway. I love having visitors -especially now when I don't have the opportunity to travel myself. I'm also amazed at how nice the people involved in the partnership are (well, so far I've only met two of the Americans involved...)! Spring brought me a necklace she has made herself (see photo) - lovely beadwork, thank you!!

I'm beginning to look forward to the day when I get to travel overseas myself to meet the rest of the Halfwaypeople! But until that, it'll be nice to keep in touch via email, now that I have met someone from Halfway in person (and I hope Joy reads this as well and keeps in touch!). I'm also going to write an article about the partnership for the local paper - my first article in a year (apart from a letter to the press last summer)!

Warming up to work

It's actually been rather exciting lately to think about the year to come. At this very moment I'm so relieved I still have one more month left of the maternity leave, but on the other hand it's rather nice to think about some jobprojects as well. Yesterday I had a call from a school about teaching Swedish to some of the foreign musicstudents at the vocational school. I did that before the maternity leave, but now I'm not so sure if I should start doing it yet. Of course, there is always the risk that if I now say no, I will regret it later, if I can't find enough jobs. But right now I think I'm going to say "no thank you"anyway...it was nice to teach motivated students, and it was basically a tutoring thing with one or two students in the class. But now there would be problems involved - finding babysitters would be a big stressfactor, since this would be once a week all of spring and I would be gone for at least four and a half hours at a time, so my mother wouldn't manage with the baby. Besides, I'm not a qualified teacher of Swedish, and want to get away from the teaching in favor of more writing - which I can do at home.

I have applied for a "homecaregrant" - to stay at home and take care of my son until he is three years old. If I don't use daycare provided by the town, I can also do some work, even if I get the money to take care of my child at home. I've already agreed to another teaching job in March - English this time (for which I am qualified) - so I think that is enough. I'm hoping to do some articlewriting and work for the local tv-station, and I think I won't have time for more. At least now I feel like taking care of the household and my son is a fulltime job! Besides, I think there is going to be a lot of development in my son's life during the next months. He will start to crawl any day now, it seems, then comes walking, talking...big events in a little person's life. Don't want to miss those!!

Julfunderingar

Jag har tidigare sagt att julen är en tidsmaskin, vissa jular har jag knappt vetat om jag varit 15, 25 eller 35. En enda jul har jag varit borta. Det var då jag började jobba som guide och blev skickad till Sri Lanka just före jul. Det blev nog inte riktigt julstämning, trots att vi fick en gran från Finland till stället där vi guider bodde. Annars har jag alltid gett mig av på mina resor efter julen, har tyckt att julafton kan jag vara med mina föräldrar, på nyårsafton får jag göra vad jag vill. Det har alltid varit bara vi tre, mamma, pappa och jag, tills han dog 2002.

Julafton brukar vara smått melankoliskt för mig. Det var alltid en dag som jag ensam gick till gravgården och körde sedan runt byn för att se på all vacker julbelysning. En jul körde jag runt med videokameran vilande på ratten....Hade kämpat med myndigheterna för att få min äkta man hem till julen. Finland gav honom inresetillstånd, men Kuba gjorde det inte. Ville så desperat fira vår första jul tillsammans (månne jag hade en aning om att vi inte skulle få flera chanser - nästa jul hade vi redan separerat....), så jag försökte få det genom att filma julen för honom i stället.

I år blev det minimalt med reflektion, kände att behovet låg på lur, men det får bli till något annat år. D kanske inte direkt noterade att det var något speciellt på gång, men vi andra visste ju. Högen julklappar under granen har minskat år för år, nu var den rätt stor och fin igen. Hade sagt till faddrarna att de inte behöver köpa något ännu till honom, men som mamma fick jag ju handla friskt :). Nu kommer vi inte att ha brist på spännande leksaker en bra tid framöver! Och de gamla traditionerna, där ensamhet, tystnad och vila har spelat stor roll, har nu brutits och nya håller på att ta form. Spännande!

Teknik!

Suck, jag saknar förra bloggen - där hade jag hunnit göra alla fel och misstag, här finns det massa som jag inte får att funka som jag vill, och jag skulle inte ha tid att sitta och knepa och knåpa nu just. Internet explorern förnyade sig - nu får jag hålla på och skriva in lösenord bara för att få se mina "bookmarks" - och msn gör att datorn startar och stänger sig själv så otroligt långsamt. Har man en baby i famnen och ska "snabbt stänga av" så är det otroligt frustrerande. Vet inte om jag måste skala bort allt onödigt, t.ex. mitt "incredimail", vet inte om det är det som gör att jag får en massa skräppost varje dag. Eller är det hotmailet? Teknik, suck. Datorer, suck. (Sorry, måste få avreagera mig!!!)

Little D's first Xmas

Oh no, I've been working on this post for over halv an hour - this is not a baby-friendly blog - or mother-friendly, time is of the essence these days. D is protesting on the floor already, but I want to post something. So I'll try again (don't know when I'll have time to learn how to use this blog, haven't had time to sit by the computer for days!).


Little d was grumpy yesterday morning - he had such a short nap. As a consequence I didn't get anything done and felt more and more grumpy myself. There was no Xmas dinner/lunch, and it was still messy here and there... had to feed D at the right time, but hadn't had time to prepare anything for grandma and myself. She started on the ham and a soup, ate when it was ready, and me when D had started his nap at 2 o´clock, it was my turn to get some food. At that point grandma wanted a nap. I was so exhausted I skipped all ideas of Xmas church and visits to relatives, just sat down and read the papers and tried to relax. D usually naps maximum an hour, this time he slept three hours! Missed the cartoons...but I felt great at 5 o´clock when everyone was awake again. Then it was time for the presents - guess whose :

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Tusen tack till alla för de jättefina presenterna!! Kiitos ihanista lahjoista!!! Thanks Patti for the gifts!! The day turned into a very nice and joyous one :)

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ps. if any Englishspeakers read my blog, pls comment - otherwise I'll start writing entirely in Swedish!!!

Deleted post..

ok, went too personal again - I need someone to talk to in the middle of the night and since there is noone, I "spill my guts" on the net instead, which is maybe not such a good thing. Don't know how to delete posts yet, so have to keep this here like this....

Miss i nassen

Voi suck dessa bloggar. Skrev ett inlägg, men fick meddelandet att servern har problem -och så försvann allt, gick inte heller att spara fast jag försökte. Ingen blogg är perfekt! Får ta det från början:

Det är för nätter som denna som jag behöver en blogg...lillen vaknade 1-tiden och jag gjorde ett halvhjärtat försök att ge nappen (som han inte använder annat än att hålla i handen då han ska somna på dagen...) och vattenflaskan, men då protesterna började öka i styrka, var det bara att gräva fram bröstet. Förstår inte riktigt hur jag kunde göra för att få bort 12-2-tids matningen, då detta med nappen inte funkar. Tar ju inte heller annars upp honom på natten, så jag tycker att jag ju då riktigt skulle väcka honom, om jag försöker trösta den vägen. Får väl nog bara hoppas att han småningom av sig själv börjar lämna bort denna första matstund....det har ju nog funnits nätter då han sovit längre än ca 3 -4 timmar i första passet, får hålla tummarna att de ökar i antal!

Jag gjorde misstaget att jag gick på toan...sen låg jag där i över en timme och försökte hitta sömnen på nytt. Lillen verkade ha lite ont i magen, för han kved till några gånger, men vaknade inte riktigt till. Till sist fnittrade han en gång, så allt verkade bra igen :). Jag gav upp och satte mig vid datorn. Har funderat på att börja ge babymassage igen, kanske det också kunde lugna honom till natten. Problemet är bara att hitta en bra plats - sovrummet är så pass kyligt att jag inte vill ha honom nakupelle speciellt länge där. På skötbordet sprattlar han mest omkring nuförtiden. Tror det får vänta tills nya badrummet blir klart, det kommer att få el-golvvärme (nu just på gång), så ser fram emot att få låta honom slippa blöjor och kläder där, kanske det blir bra plats för lite massage.

Suck, när ska jag börja känna mig trött i natt......som tur är, är det ju lugnare dagar nu, så jag inte behöver vara någotsånär pigg. I morgon/idag kommer en annan väninna på besök, det piggar upp. Härligt då det blir "sociala tider" igen, då det vankas lite längre helger - har ju inte själv orkat vara så aktiv med kontakter, men märker nu att jag verkligen saknat det.

Baby report

I think this is what most of you have been waiting for - news about the little one! He is getting to be so big!! Proud mummy thinks he has been developing a lot lately, he can now turn the page - likes to read books, gets so excited, his hands shake and he makes "uh" sounds when he sees colorful figuers on the pages. In the morning he often says "pa-pa-pa" when he wakes. I've tried to say: "No, say MAMMA", but he continues"ba-ba-ba" :). He still doesn't crawl, but moves around in a circle on the floor, but when he lifts his upperbody, he does it so high he's almost on his knees, so I expect him to start any day now. He's started to sleep better during the nights, now he wakes up about two times per night before 6/7 o'clock, so I have hopes of soooon sleeping whole nights.

Today he has been such a good boy - in a very good mood, and falling asleep calmly at 10 and 2 (the normal times) and sleeping for almost two hours at a time. I had a friend over and could talk undisturbed for such a long time, it was so nice! My mother said he maybe can feel her and me calming down after all the tension during the past weeks. Maybe, maybe not, but I'm sure he has been able to feel it. I've been so incredibly tired during the past days. Probably because the tension was released after the good talk with Mr X on Saturday. Last night was the first night in many weeks that I slept very soundly in between the feedings. I hope to soon get the energy to start thinking of how to train the little one out of the night-feeding habits. But I don't feel it's a big problem at the moment. Now we're all just going to enjoy these days of peace - and getting the house ready for the little one's first Christmas.

This photo is very fresh - Daniel likes his advent calendar, this morning he thought it tasted very nicely (thanks K!) :)

Hej!

Måste ju skriva några ord på svenska också - har ju fått signaler om att vissa av er har fått munhäfta av engelskan här :). Ni kan kommentera på precis vilket språk som helst (bara jag förstår det :) - jag blir bara glad av att höra från er!!! Denna blogg är ju ännu ny för mig, så det tar en tid innan jag kommer upp i varv - och det kan ju hända att jag aldrig mera (hmmmm....) kommer att ha tid/entusiasm att skriva som på gamla stället. Men vi får se! Jag hoppas i allafall att någon någongång läser!

oo vad fint - två domherrar käkar rönnbären utanför mitt fönster nu just! Sällan vi har domherrar här, så de uppskattas då de visar sig!

In English: some of my friends felt a bit intimidated by English - comments can be made in any language (as long as I understand them - Swedish, Finnish, English, German, Spanish...not so sure about my French anymore....), I'm just happy to get a sign that someone is actually reading! It might take some time for me to really get going here like in the "old place" - but I hope this site will also become a place for me where I can record things that happen, where I can unload if I'm sad/angry etc about something. Today a friend is coming for a visit - the house is a mess, but I'm too tired to care, I'll blame it on the little one :).

Work!

Apart from the work at home everyday, which is not considered work (cooking, cleaning, laundry, changing diapers, clothes etc etc etc), yesterday was the second time I did some work since the little one was born. The local tv-station had its live Christmasbroadcast and I was the studioman (tried to convince them that I'm a woman, but I couldn't :( - making sure the guests to be interviewed showed up on time, taking care of them, seeing to it that everyone got into the studio when they were supposed to, and out after, and had microphones put on and taken off etc. At the end there were three of us wishing all the viewers and our families a Merry Xmas etc. Everything went well (although I was very worried my head would not be able to function properly after all the months of short nights), except when it was our turn - I was supposed to begin, but had forgotten to ask how I'll know we're on, so there was a bit of a pause, when we all jut sat there and just stared at the camera, then I threw a glance to the side, realized were on and started babbling away....oh well. The rerun will be broadcast on Thursday night, have to see how much I have to be ashamed of....

Now I'll see if I manage to post a photo of the huge Xmas studio...

Why Jemayá?!

The name Jemayá comes from my past marriage. The aunt of my exhusband was (is?) a Santera, a priestess of Santeria, a religion on Cuba. Every person has their own protector, "Santo", if I remember correctly. She thought my "Santo", my "Saint" could be Yemayah, and I liked that! My spelling was chosen to help pronounce the name, and I also like the "maya" part, since that reflects my interest in Southern America!

Yemayah is: The Orisa of the Ocean and Motherhood. The Yoruba peoples of Nigeria brought her to the New World via Brazil and Cuba, where she has been venerated for centuries as Protectress during the middle passage of slavery. She is long-breasted, the goddess of fishes, and wears an insignia of alternating crystal and blue beads. The other spelling of her name is Yemoja. She has a strong, nurturant, life-giving nature, yet can be furiously destructive also. She is considered the Great Witch, the ultimate manifestation of female power.

Getting started

I have a strong desire to write. Even if words have proven to be both my enemies and my friends, I have to write. In this blog I plan to use words in different languages, depending on what I write; which language suits me at the moment; for whom I think what I write might be most interesting. This is my outlet, my meta-means of communication.

I had to get away from the eyes of one person. I hope I will be lost in the crowd of cyberspace and can write here more freely. I will be taking it a bit carefully at the beginning...but welcome!:)