Happy Easter

Couldn't find a photo of a daffodil, so have to make do with a rabbit - I have plenty of those photos! This is Elmer as a baby, now he's been on the run for more than a week. He hops along in our yard, but always far enough from me - can't even reach him with "a thing you use to lift up a fish you've caught from the water" - couldn't find the word in the dictionary, they suggest "bag", doesn't seem quite right ("håv"). Don't know what to do with him, don't want him to eat the things that start growing in my garden, otherwise I don't actually have a problem with him being on the loose (he is castrated).

I've had a really bad period internally this spring. I've been really, really tired, everything I've had to do has felt like a huge effort, especially here at home. I have, though, managed to do the jobs at hand, especially lately it hasn't been so hard, since it has been interviews and writing, which I like doing a lot. Once I've got going it has felt good - maybe to be away from home and all the musts. My mother has been in hospital over a week now. She got a really bad flu, which isn't good even now. On one hand it was good for me that she has been away, I've had enough to cope with myself lately.

Usually spring is the time when I really come alive, but I suspect that this year I've suffered from what a lot of people get when the light suddenly rushes in in spring - spring "tiredness" (don't know that word in English either, sigh, my languageskills are also rapidly deteriorating...). Very close to depression. For the past days I've started to feel better and can now try to focus on the positive things in my life. During the week I've written almost four articles and started on a lot of columns (I'm supposed to write one per month to our local newspaper), which feels really good. Writing is what I want to do, especially my own texts, but there has been so much going on, I haven't really had the time and quiet time I need for it (and I'm really insecure and afraid of starting it as well!). Now I'm bursting with ideas, but have problems focusing on one thing at a time.

I've also felt very lonely this spring, I'm sure it has to do with the tiredness. Before Easter I was stuck in the thoughts of me not being important enough for anyone to want to spend time with me on weekends or holidays - this is reserved for close friends and family, or families meeting each other, and I don't fit in there, since I don't have a man to bring along (or maybe they just don't like me...). I want people to visit me, at the same time I don't want it since the house is mostly a mess - I don't have the time and energy to keep it in order. And even if I decided I need help with the cleaning, I didn't find anyone until after Easter. I hope, though, that she can start to come on a regular basis. Pity I couldn't find anyone when I was feeling the most exhausted.

One good thing is that this year I have been exercising and just generally "moving" a lot more that before. Yesterday when I picked D up from daycare by bike, we didn't take the straight way home, instead we went around the rivers (about 4 kms), and this morning I went for a walk before he got up (have done that every now and then, just short walks about 3 kms, but much better than nothing at all, and it's a beginning!). I seem to have become a morning person suddenly, mostly I wake up around five the first time, but don't get up until after six.

Now I feel good enough to be able to enjoy the fact that we can take it easy at home, just my son and I. Since my mother is away, we'll also have the freedom to suddenly take off somewhere, I've been thinking of maybe taking him to a indoor pool with slides etc in Vaasa, but we'll see. Maybe I'll have time to clear up inside the house a bit (put away winter clothes and get the summer ones) and do gardening, which always makes me feel better. And today there is actually someone who has taken the time to come and see us :), one of  D's girlfriends with her mum. And, to be honest, we were invited to a dinner on Saturday in Pietarsaari, but  there aren't going to be any other kids, and since on Easter Saturday we usually burn a bonfire, I decided to stay at home, it'd be too much for one day. So, actually, there are people who want to see me on a weekend :). See, I'm starting to feel better  and better!

Happy Easter to you all!!

 (wonder if there are more than just a handful...but grateful that someone at least reads :)